Starting a New Chapter

Sorry for the long blog silence! In case you hadn't heard, my darling husband and I are getting ready to add a third member to our little family later this month! <3 :) Be on the lookout for a book review of Lysa TerKeurst's latest release! 

20. 2-0. Twenty.

It's a new decade, a new year, a new chapter for me. Where has the time gone? I'm no longer a teenager, I'm definitely an adult. This seems bizarre. When did I grow up?

I suppose I've accomplished quite a bit in the last two decades, but I'm really excited to see what I get my hands into for the next two. I want to live with as few regrets as possible. I want to walk alongside God everyday. I want to live out the dreams He has placed in my heart. I want to live a life full of love.

He told me this past week that this coming year would be a year of preparation. For what exactly, I don't know yet. But He's promised it's good! He didn't promise it would be easy, or that I wouldn't be discouraged along the way. He has promised to be there. Picking me up when I stumble, holding me tight when times are rough, wiping away every tear, and nudging me onward. He's a good, good Father. 

I am so excited to see what He has for me. In the meantime, I'm following the marching orders I've been given. "One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much." (Luke 16:10 ESV) I encourage you to ask yourself, if you haven't already, what is God calling you to do right now? Are you doing it?

On Being Married for One Year...

To my sweetheart,

Wow. One year. Has it really been three-hundred and sixty-five days since I married you, my love?

One short blog post cannot hold all the joy, adventure, and tears we've shared together. I can't believe how much we've grown, how much we've changed.

I remember coming down the steps of my parent's basement to come see you for the first time that morning. I remember how nervous I felt as I crept toward the french doors leading to the backyard, leading to you. You looked so classy and handsome in your wedding clothes. My heart beat so fast when I started walking toward you. I'm fairly certain it was impossible to do anything but grin. Our wedding day was so perfect. :)

We've seen each other at our worst and at our lowest yet by God's grace and love, our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. People always say the first year is the hardest, and while I can't say that's been true for us, we have had hard moments. This year with you has taught me how to love you deeper, how to encourage you best, and how to understand you even better than before.

I appreciate your gentle strength and I respect the man of God that you are. You're going to be a fantastic father! I count myself very blessed that I get to be your wife for the rest of our lives. You're my best friend, my greatest supporter, and my true love. I love doing life with you. I love our adventures. I love being your wife. And I just know that the best is still yet to come.

Thank you for loving me, for choosing me to spend the rest of your life with, and for being the all around most awesome husband ever. I agape you!

Your wife,
Rosie

Be Better Than Them.

We've all been hurt at some point in our lives. Sometimes by different people. Sometimes by the same person. Or perhaps sometimes in the same way repeatedly. Life goes on though. How do we move forward?

What are you saying, Rosie? That I should "forgive," right? What if it isn't that easy? I know it's not that easy. I've been betrayed and proverbially stabbed in the back by the very people I trusted dearly, sometimes over and over again. The other day I caught myself wanting to do the same thing they did to me (or something similar) and return the favor. But how does that help me heal? How does that help me move on and "forgive" like I'm supposed to?

Let me give you the answer: it doesn't.

Showing the ones who have hurt you anything but love and forgiveness only destroys you from the inside out. It plants a seed of bitterness in your heart, a weed. When going unchecked, weeds will choke the Word of God growing in our heart. (Matt. 13) You may think treating them to the cold shoulder or ignoring them is letting them know that they've hurt you. But the language of unforgiveness isn't so easily understood. Chances are, depending on the circumstances, that they don't even realize what they've done to you or to the extent that you've been hurt. Jesus tells us to "treat others the same way you want them to treat you." (Luke 6:31, AMP) He also instructs us to love and pray for those who hurt us.

“But I say to you, love [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous [those who are morally upright] and the unrighteous [the unrepentant, those who oppose Him]." (Matt. 5:43-45, AMP)

Friends, I'm preaching to myself here too. This is something I struggle with personally, just as I'm sure some of you do. What I really want you to get from this is that if we really love Jesus, we need to recklessly pursue Him and strive to be a Godly example of Him to all we meet. We need to love the socks off every single person we encounter. Because if we're truly loving like He loves us, it'll be easy. If we're truly sharing His love, it will be easy to forgive. It will become easy to treat those who have hurt us with love and forgiveness.

When we're hurt, we need to be better than them in our response. We need to take the higher road and remember that He sees everything. We need to extend love to those who didn't hesitate to drive a knife into our back. Jesus did, you know. Literally. The Bible says He was like a sheep to the slaughter. (Isa. 53:7) This won't be something that you'll want to do. This won't be something you'll like doing. But if you stick to God and keep your focus in the right place, you will reach a place where it won't bother you anymore. Be better than them.

On Getting Married in a Few Days...

Hello, friends!

Yup, you read the title right. I get married this Saturday to the most amazing, Godly, wonderful, loving man on this earth, and I couldn't count myself more blessed- or happy! Our story started long ago, and I had no idea then that it would turn out so beautifully. Since we began courting each other, it's been amazing watching God knit our hearts together and bring us closer.

It hardly feels real that in a few days time I'll be married to the love of my life. If you had asked me a year ago where I thought I'd be July 2015, it would not have been preparing for my wedding! But the beauty of it is that neither he nor I saw it coming. God did. Oh, He knew the whole time. In fact, if I had a guess, He was looking down from heaven with eager expectation.

Friends, ladies, let me tell you something: Our Father in heaven surely has someone out there for you. A year ago, I was like you. I wasn't sure I'd find the right one. In this season of waiting, don't look farther than Jesus to fill your desire for love. Even after God brings you a husband, He should remain your first priority. Without Him in the middle of any relationship, it is certain to fail. Learn to make the best of this season, because it may be coming to an end sooner than you think. ;-) Finally, don't forget to trust God with this. He knows you inside and out, and He's got something amazing planned, I promise.

In closing, in a few days I'm getting married. Whew. Marriage isn't going to be some fairy-tale, or easy, nor will it be perfect; but it will be beautiful, hopeful, and worth it. I'm ready for this next adventure. I'm ready to see all God has in store. Blessings to you all! I'll be back in a week or so. :)

Photo Credit: Phaendin // freedigitalphotos.net

Who Am I? {Finding Identity in Christ}

First off, high five if you heard Jean Valjean sing the title thanks to Les Mis...

Second, one of my biggest struggles as a Christian is remembering who I am in Christ. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." (Emphasis mine.) It's hard to let go of bad habits, but if your heart is right then the best thing I can suggest is to seek God with all your heart. When we really allow Jesus into our hearts, we will lose our desire for worldly things and instead we'll begin to desire heavenly things. Accepting Christ as our Savior gives us a completely fresh start. This should radically impact how we live our life and how we treat others yet, it doesn't. Most of the time, we don't seek Him and soon, letting Christ into our lives is just a memory.

Too often, we let the world define us. We soak up the devil's lies and believe them. We don't feed our soul the truth. We don't renew our minds. I talked about this briefly in a previous post of mine, titled, What Lie Do You Believe?. What would happen to this generation if we uncovered who we are in Christ? What would happen if we believed the truth instead of the lies? I want to bring a few verses to your attention.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died- more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?"

 -Rom. 8:31-35

We are God's elect. 

Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. We are so, so, very important to our Creator and nothing will ever change that. 

I have a challenge for you and for me. This coming week, instead of letting the world (i.e. our friends, our enemies, the media, strangers, etc.) define or label us with lies, let's look into Scripture to find what God thinks about us. To remember how special we are in His sight. Let us remember to love our enemies and those who persecute us. Let us remember to forgive seven times seventy. For there is Someone mightier than the world who loves us literally to death. 

Standing at a Crossroad {Asking for Help}

Have you ever stood at a crossroad?

Okay, okay, so maybe not a literal crossroad, but a metaphorical crossroad? Where, in that time, you just sort of stand there glancing back and forth between the paths? In this moment, God feels silent. The barrage of thoughts and the anxiety of making the right choice plugs your ears. Even if God was speaking, you wouldn't be able to tell.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Will one path close if you don't move now? What if both doors close? Fear of making a mistake keeps your feet planted. You just can't move. What's the right choice? You know you're over-thinking this but you can't help it. 

Breathe in, breathe out.

Peace is elusive. Which way? Do you take the riskier, more complicated, path? Or the safer, simple way? Are there merits to one path over the other? You know which one you prefer... and you're scared that God might call you toward the other. So what do you do? 

Ask for help.

Who says you have to make this decision alone? Asking for help will lighten the burden. It doesn't make you weak, it shows that you are brave. It shows that you know your own weaknesses and rather than risk a massive failure, you're seeking multiple opinions. I'd personally recommend asking help from someone you trust, who is old enough to be your parent. 

It wasn't too long ago that I found myself with a crossroad before me. But crying out and asking for help reassured my anxious spirit, because I knew I didn't have to make my choice alone. Breathe in, breathe out. Go talk to someone and keep on breathing. Big decisions should not be made lightly or hastily. 

When One Door Closes, Another Opens {Starting a New Chapter}

Oh, friends. Yesterday marked the finish of my college studies. Hallelujah!

I've been on this path for so long I can hardly believe that I've reached the end of the road. Wow. Just wow. It's cliché, but there's no way I would have made it this far without God. Or my fiancé. Or my mom. Without those three, I doubt that I would have come out of college sane. It's made me realize how valuable it is to be surrounded by people who support you.

Closing this chapter has brought on nostalgia, a handful of bad memories, and excitement for what's to come. Just as good things come to an end, so do the hard things too. That's the funny thing about time. It's running at its own pace. It won't stop for you nor will it speed up. Time is constant. Much like our Heavenly Father. 

So no matter where you are in life, consider this your reminder to hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for the new chapter on the horizon. Remember that everything has a season and Jesus is our constant through it all. Though it may not look like it, God is on your side and it will certainly work out.  

A new chapter is beginning for me, friends! I can't wait to continue to pour out truth and hope and love through these blog posts. Recently, God has been putting so much on my heart. He's given me a new vision and purpose, and I'm so excited to share. I hope you'll stick around for all the amazing things coming. :-)

By the way, have you entered yet? 

{Throwback Thursday} Book Favorites Near & Dear to My Heart...

A few days ago a good friend of mine blogged about her top ten favorite books. Of course, this is a hard thing for book lovers alike to accomplish... Nevertheless, I felt inspired to reflect upon my own favorites and to share with you a few of them. So consider this a Writings of Rosie Throwback Thursday. ;-) Below you'll find the list of my ten personal favorites, however, they are listed in no particular order.

Dear Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay

This book delighted me merely a page in. Though I picked the book up during a busy time (Thanksgiving!), I was hard pressed to be separated from it for longer than an hour or so. As it is described on Goodreads, "Dear Mr. Knightley is a contemporary epistolary novel with a delightful dash of Jane Austen." This is certainly the truth! Austen fans will love this one. Read my review here.

Rules of Murder by Julianne Deering
I love a good mystery, and Ms. Deering provides just that in her debut novel. I have devoured every part of the series and I eagerly await more fun mysteries with Drew and Co. :) Read my review here.




There You'll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones
This quaint little book I found in a Lifeway store one rainy afternoon. I bought it and had it finished by bedtime. I never got around to writing a full review about it, but I can assure you I loved it. It's a cute story with real-life issues inside.

Be Still My Soul by Joanne Bischof
Oh, friends, if you're looking for a story to melt your heart and possibly make you cry you need look no further. Lonnie feels like a close, dear friend in a way that few fictional characters do. There's something particularly special about this series. I encourage you to look it up. You can read my review here.

My Stubborn Heart by Becky Wade
Whew, this one is a long-time favorite going all the way back to 2012! I read this one while I was going through a rocky time. It cheered me up and certainly brightened the week or so I spent reading it. This was a delightful debut for Wade and I have loved nearly every release of hers since. :-) You can read my review here.

The Maid of Fairbourne Hall by Julie Klassen
This would be the first novel by Klassen I got my hands on. At the time I read it, I had recently been bitten with the "Downton Abbey" bug. This book gave me exactly what I loved about the popular drama while including Christianity! A perfect match for a girl scrambling for historical novels. I have been a loyal fan to Klassen ever since. Read my review here.

The Icing on the Cake by Janice Thompson
Ah, Thompson's books frequent my lengthy "Favorites" pile. Her clean rom-com novels are perfect for a pick-me-up. Before you know it, you'll be laughing so hard you'll have to put the book down! That said, this one makes the list for a couple reasons. First of all, her character, Scarlet is so realistic. Second, I loved all the references to "I Love Lucy" who doesn't love that show? (Well, I suppose that would be the people who haven't watched it...) ;) Read my review here.

In the Field of Grace by Tessa Afshar

This sweet retelling of Ruth and Boaz is close to my heart. Never mind the fact that it's one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament, but Afshar keeps close to what the Bible says while weaving in fiction to fill in the gaps. It's beautifully done. You can read my review here.

Silenced by Dani Pettrey

Oh my. Prepare yourself for some gushing here... It's no secret I love the McKenna clan. But when it comes to a favorite it's like trying to favor one sibling over another. It's just not easy. However, I suppose I can admit that out of all the McKennas' stories, I believe I enjoyed Kayden's the best. Each family member has a beautiful story, but there simply was something about Silenced that I liked more. Check out my review here.

How to Catch a Prince by Rachel Hauck
I confess, this is my most recent favorite and the only one on this list released in 2015 (granted it is only the beginning of March...). I also confess that I can't say much until I post my review on Friday. So I'll just gush when I say this, this book is amazing, this series is amazing. Wow! I saw my friends chatting about this book over Twitter and how well done it was, but I had no idea it would be such a delightful, captivating read. Check back tomorrow for my review!

Well, folks, there you have it. You've now seen first hand my favorites of my favorites. There are so many additional titles I could have listed...authors that I could have named. Unfortunately these little blog posts are too small to contain the ginormous list I've compiled over the years. If you want to view the comprehensive list, check out my Goodreads page. Thanks for taking the time to read! Don't forget to come back tomorrow for my review of How to Catch a Prince by Rachel Hauck! You don't want to miss it! (You can now read my review here.)

Little Letters {Edition #3}

Image courtesy of antpkr // Freedigitalphotos.net

Dear Spring, Come quickly! I'm eager to feel the warmth of the sun on my face again, to see green all over trees and land, to see wildflowers bloom once more. 

Dear College, two months until we part at last. It's been a long journey, but every journey must come to an end. 

Dear Blogger Friends, Oh, I miss you! I love reading each of your posts, though I admit I'm not good at commenting. Thank you for keeping me posted on the latest fiction. ;-) As my time in college comes to a close you'll be seeing more of me.

Dear INSPYs, I'm dearly looking forward to seeing you again! I thoroughly enjoyed our time last year. 

Dear Bethel Music, Wonderful new album! "Ever Be" is frequently on my lips and on my heart. Thank you for the worship music. :-) 

Dear TBR pile, One day... Someday soon. I promise. Just quit growing, okay? 

Dear Jane Austen, Forgive me for not appreciating your work or your characters when I was younger. They are beautifully human. I enjoy spending time in your worlds (especially because it's actual college work!). I know you didn't receive much acclaim in your day. If only you could see the following you have now. 

Dear Husband-to-be, I love you so much! Your encouragement and support are exactly what God knew I needed. Thank you for being there. I know that the best is yet to come for us. ;-) 

Dear Family, Wow. You all have been amazing putting up with me! College is stressful yet somehow you all come up with ways to make me relax. You endured the worst side of me with those final papers and for that, you deserve some acknowledgement. Thank you for loving me, even when I'm not so nice to be around.

Dear Taylor Swift...

Dear Taylor Swift,

I had the interesting opportunity the other day to see the music video for your song "Blank Space". First off, let me say I liked the cinematography and the way the video told the story you sing about. Well done on that count. But I must be honest and say I felt a measure of sadness as the beat faded away.

I am so sorry that your heart has been broken so many times that you have given up on true love. My heart hurts listening to the pain in your songs. Oh, Taylor, I’m sorry the world finally got to you. They come when you least expect it and crush your hopes. A few years ago, I loved your wistful songs about finding love and cherishing it. Then, like we all do from time to time, you made a couple mistakes in the men you chose to date. They killed your hopeful fantasy of happily ever after and taught you that men are only interested in “the game” of love. But this "love" you've experienced is nothing like the real thing. It is a cheap imitation Hollywood and the music scene has created.

Love is such a gift, given to us by the One who is love. Love is supposed to encourage us, inspire us to be better people. It is meant to be treasured and cherished. Not all men are players. Not all men are interested in “playing the game”. Not all men are like the ones you have encountered. Good men do exist out there.

Taylor, I just want you to know that you don’t have to play the game. You don’t have to build a concrete wall around your heart. You don’t have to let players use you. You are a strong individual. You are the role model girls have looked up to ever since “Teardrops on my Guitar”. You can overcome the heartache you’ve experienced and show girls a better way.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. Goodness knows you are a very busy woman. Nevertheless I felt the need to write you this little letter. I don’t know if this helps. Or if it even makes sense. I’ll close with this last thought for you to, hopefully, remember. You have such value. You don’t have to toss your heart around until it is worn and in tatters. You don’t have to waste time on the men who don’t see that value in you. There’s a guy out there who will treasure you and value you like you deserve but it will be harder to find him on this path. Blessings, Taylor, on your upcoming tour.

A fan,
-Rosie

A Year in Review: 2014 Edition {Oh, How Things Change...}

As I sit here reflecting on the past year, I'm awe-filled that it's almost 2015! 2014 has been a wonderful, wonderful, blessed year for me and mine. There has been a lot of growth and a lot of change, but our cup still overflows. Our God is an awesome God. Looking back to early this year, I am amazed at just how much I've changed, let alone the people and things around me.

My friends, change is in the air here as well. I'm hoping to "jump back into the saddle" really soon. Also, I have a few surprises in the works. I'm not quite certain about the timeline just yet but something great is coming! As a quick side note, if all goes well, I'll have almost four months of college left-- the end is finally in sight! I'm super excited to close out that chapter of my life. 2015 holds many promising things for me and I can't wait to share. Overall, this year has been stock-full of blessing after blessing. God's opened doors, He's closed a few, and He continues to show the way.

Probably the biggest lesson I've learned this year is how to wait. But more importantly how to wait and still work toward a goal. 

So often in media they tell you to wait, and wait, and.... wait. Wait until you find the elusive "one". Wait to pursue your calling until you're ready (whether financially, physically, etc.). Wait to study God's word until you have time. With all this waiting going on, what are you supposed to do in the meantime? Sit around and go through the motions? I can't speak for anyone else but to me that sounds boring... and a waste of the precious time God has given us on this earth. The Bible tells us about Jesus's return that, "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only." (Matthew 24:36) Each day could be our last on this earth, so why should we live life waiting around? Why not make the most of our time while we have it? If you're single, why not focus on preparing yourself to be the best spouse you can be? 

Who says we have to watch time slip by? Who says we can't do something in the here and now whether single or in a relationship? We have a God-given purpose to bring glory to God in everything we do. Sometimes bringing glory to God means showing Jesus to people, by giving the tired cashier at your grocery a smile and a kind word. Maybe it means standing up for what's right even when you stand alone. Maybe it means serving others to the best of your ability, or maybe it means using your words carefully. No matter what it means for you in this moment, it will change with every day. 

So I want to challenge both myself and you to show Jesus in the everyday and in the mundane in 2015. Because I'm not satisfied with waiting around for "the right moment". I want to take the first step in living as Christ and walking by the Spirit. Will there be moments I fail? Absolutely. But I serve a loving and gracious God who'll dust me off and help me back on my way. 

A Season of Thanksgiving {...That Goes Beyond November}

Hello, blogging friends!!

Long time no see. :-) As this is one of my favorite times of year I felt it was appropriate to keep my tradition of writing a thankful/reflection post.  Not only that but I have exceedingly more to be thankful for this year.

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.." -Eph. 3:20

And He has, my friends. He's swooped in and answered prayers. He's blessed me with far more than I can ever truly thank Him for, but beyond that, it is all about this thing called perspective. 

Perspective in the sense that you look at things from a different viewpoint. For example, right now at this moment I am in some pretty rough college courses. There are days when I definitely don't feel thankful to be in college at all. But, did you know that there are people out there who can't afford to go to college when they want to? Did you know that some people don't win the scholarship? When looking at my courses from this angle, suddenly I become very grateful. In this new perspective, I see a blessing when I don't feel one. I don't say this because it makes the workload any easier-- spoiler alert: it doesn't-- but I say this because we have a lot to be thankful for, even when we can't see it. After all, some blessings come in disguise. I'm not saying that feeling the acute loss of a loved one or sickness are disguised blessings. Frankly, they aren't. The Bible says, "Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with Whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:16-17) and "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they might have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) 

So this Thanksgiving let's step back and reexamine our lives. Let's gain fresh perspective and marvel at all we do have to be thankful for. Let's also keep in mind that we should be thankful all the time not just in November or on Thanksgiving. Below I've listed a brief "list" of things I'm thankful for this year. I hope you'll do the same in the comments. :-) 

I'm thankful for the sunshine. I'm thankful for the stars. I'm thankful for my health and those around me. I'm thankful for music. I'm thankful for the friends I have around me. I'm dearly thankful for my husband-to-be. I'm thankful for my family and (future) family. I'm thankful for the encouragement and support from my parents. Lastly, I'm ever-increasingly thankful for the man who died for me, Jesus. Without Him there isn't a part of me that would be happy. 

Enough {A Personal Essay}

Hey, everyone! It's been so long! In one of my recent classes, they had us write a personal essay. After much thought and prayer, I decided to share mine with you today. I hope it blesses and encourages you. :-)

----

“You are enough.”

The movie character’s scripted words ripped into my heart and soul. Me? Enough? Part of me wanted to laugh and say, “You don’t know me. How do you know if I’m enough?” But the other part of me wept. Wept for that glimmer of hope that could mean I’m good enough for once in five years. Shaken, I close my eyes, trying not to let everyone else watching the movie know how impacted I am. They can’t know about the dark lies that are whispered into my ear every night. They can’t know how I struggle day in and day out. They can’t know how often I fall short. They can’t know how often I don’t live up to my own expectations.

I’m sure many people think that it’s strange to want to shut my family out. “They’re your family, wouldn’t you want their help?” But it’s a matter of my pride, too. Their lives are so perfect, why trouble them with my imperfection? No one in their right mind wants it to be public knowledge that they are, in fact, that one person in their family with a screwed up mentality. Thus every gathering, every shared meal, is all about putting on a show. Feigning nonchalance when people ask how you are. Smiling when you want to smack their face. Shoving down tears and hiding the hurt you feel burning inside. The popular song from Frozen comes to mind. “Conceal, don’t feel. One wrong move and everyone will know.”

I suppose all of this comes from my deep desire to not be the center of the attention. Even on my birthday, as everyone sings to me I stare silently at my cake, smiling and blushing. I don’t want to be known as the girl who whines and complains about school every time they are around her. I want to be known as someone who’s positive. Someone who always has a smile. So I conceal my distress and cry in my bed at night, desperate for relief but finding none. Hope is long gone and all that’s left is my sorrow.

“You are enough.”

The words echo in my head and follow me home that night. The idea that I’m enough still feels so ridiculous that I keep it at arm’s length. I can’t think about what it means for me if it’s true. I can’t be disappointed again. I don’t think my heart can stand another twisting, wrenching crush under life’s boot. I set the words aside and focus on my studies, focus on my life. I don’t have the time or the heart to examine these words closely or even think about believing them. My life becomes routine. I wake up, I eat, and I start my college work. Eventually I break for lunch and then it’s back to the books. I’m a robot. I don’t have time to live like my friends do. They aren’t in college because they chose another path. But I, of course, have. I don’t admit it often, but I’m jealous of their freedom. After all, have you ever lived without truly living? I go through the motions, suppressing my feelings at every turn. Maybe if I didn’t let myself feel anything, it would be easier?

I chose this path of college education because I thought it would make my life easier, my future brighter. That’s what everyone said. But in the moment, my life is the hardest it has been. Peace, rest, relaxation, is a far cry from anything I’ve experienced in months. Some people try to help, but they cannot comprehend or even relate to how I feel. I prefer to hide. Maybe it will be over sooner.

Time slips by. I keep up my façade in front of the others. I’ve been doing this for so long that the mask is a part of me. It’s a mask I rarely take off. I can tell that people, particularly family members, tiptoe around my odd behavior and that’s okay. I don’t want to let them in. They’re incapable of ever understanding. So I stay in my bubble in a state of unfeeling loneliness.

“You are enough.”

I’m browsing Pinterest one day, taking a few moments break from my studies, when I find an image with the words “you are enough” written across it in bold font. I lean back in my chair, staring at the picture. The movie I watched all those weeks ago returns to mind.

I can’t hold in my emotions anymore, so I cry. And cry. And cry. It’s like these three words have broken the dam I’ve built around my heart. My tears flow as steadily as rain. I did what I couldn’t do before. I accepted the words as truth. I am enough. My best is enough. My tired efforts are enough. I am enough.

I take these words and treasure them. These words are my truth, my undoing. These words are my key to freedom.

I am enough.

To those out there who wonder if they’re enough, let me remind you of Someone. He left His Father, He left everything pure and righteous so that He could save you, a sinner in need of grace. He allowed the world to brutally torture and kill Him for you. So that you could be enough. So that we don’t have to be defeated. So that you could stand proud over the devil and declare, “I am enough!” It is not what we do here on earth that matters; it is what Jesus has done for us that truly matters. Nothing can remove us from His love. Nothing will ever make you fall short in His eyes. You are always enough for Him.

Quit struggling, quit fighting the truth and just accept it. Let the peace wash over you and set you free, as it did me. It’s going to be okay. It may not be easy right now but if you take this truth, you’ll begin to see God’s mercies anew each morning. You’ll experience His peace. And, perhaps the first time, you’ll believe that you are enough.

Do Not Be Afraid, for I Am with You...

Not too long ago (2-3 years), I struggled with testing anxiety. ((For those who don't know, I'm enrolled in a program called CollegePlus!. Part of the program generally means taking CLEP exams and DANTES.)) You see, after failing a couple times, the whole process terrified me.

After my second fail, I was shaken to the core. I did not want to reenter that testing center only to fail again. My pride was bruised and my confidence was battered. The pressure I put on myself was nearly unbearable. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was drowning, so we took a break. I was in the middle of some co-op classes, and we were preparing to move. It made sense. I took a total of nine months off. When it came time to start back up, the anxiety returned. I purposefully postponed taking tests and I wasn't diligent in my studies. 

I know what you're thinking. If I wasn't working hard, how was I supposed to pass? To be honest, I don't have a reasonable explanation for you. Fear messes with your head. I'm ashamed to say I let it take up residence for too long. I went along with this study method for about four months when the inevitable happened. I failed for a third time, except this time the blow was harder. Because I had failed it once already. 

I cried the whole way home. This time though, I was determined to make a change. I was determined to work as hard as I could to pass every exam from that moment on. I called on multiple verses to encourage me, particularly Phil. 1:6 and John 14:27. I drove fear out of my mind and spoke life. (Prov. 18:21) I drew closer to the greatest Comforter of all and since then, I haven't failed once. 

Thankfully, with time I have found a working method for my studies. I also found God's peace to be calming and assuring under the pressure of passing. Without Him, I don't think I would have made it this far. He's worked miracles in me and I am eternally grateful.

To kind of draw this post to a close, the moral of this story-if you haven't already guessed-is this: Don't let fear in. Fear is not of God. He doesn't want it for you or me. He told us to be strong and courageous for He is with us. I have learned it is better in the end to lean on Him when I am weary and to cast my cares on Him when I am burdened. It makes all the difference.

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

-Deut. 31:8

A Few Thoughts on Worship...

Worship is a matter of the heart. It isn't mindlessly singing songs you know like the back of your hand. It isn't sitting in church going through the motions. You can't worship the Almighty merely by attending church every Sunday.

Worship is about forgetting yourself, forgetting your problems and anxieties and just being. 

Worship is standing or sitting, hands high or lowered, offering our Creator all that we have. He doesn't care how much you have to give. He won't send lightening bolts down from heaven, because you didn't give enough. God isn't like that. He loves you. He appreciates you. And when you choose to give Him your everything, no matter what is happening in life, His heart swells with joy. He is pleased with you.

Sometimes to worship, you have to let go.

Some of the best, most powerful, amazing worship experiences I have had have happened when I'm struggling with something, whether it's fear, loneliness, or when my heart has been bruised. How, you ask? Because when my focus is on Jesus, all my mountains shrink into anthills. When my focus is  wholly and completely on Jesus, I surrender it all.

Worship is cool water to this thirsty soul. 
Worship blesses Him.

Worship encourages this weary heart.

Worship reminds me God is bigger than any of my problems or struggles.

What does worship mean to you?

Another Year Gone... {Top Thirteen Books of 2013!}

Wow! I can hardly believe another year has gone by and that 2013 is almost over! It has been SUCH a great year for the blog and I have all of you, my dear readers, to thank for that.

Ah, 2013. Even when I think things can't get any better they do. That's just how my God works. {Rom. 8:28} Don't take this to mean I don't have growing pains, because I do. And when I do, I have made a habit of leaning on the One Who holds me in His hand. He is my Peace. He is the One I trust. {John 14:27} In this past year, He picked up my broken pieces and called me to forgive. He repaired the broken vessel I had become and called me to trust. He molded me into something new and called me His own. {2 Cor. 5:17} He is my Rock and my Refuge, to whom I owe everything.

2013 has been another busy year filled with memories and friends, new and old, and of course, family. I've been stretched beyond my capabilities in ways I would not have expected in 2012. It's been a year of healing, forgiveness, growth, and happiness, and that's just my personal life! In the past six or so months, God has blessed and continues to bless this blog in ways I couldn't anticipate.

Moving forward, I'm eager to see what this new year brings. I look forward to meeting more people, more bloggers, and talking with more authors. I look forward to expanding my blog posts to include more snippets of my life. I look forward to sharing more of my writing journey in the months to come. But most importantly, I look forward to shining my light. If 2013 was a great year, I cannot begin to imagine what 2014 will bring!
 
So, to close I bring you my top thirteen favorite books released this year (in no particular order). All of these books are marvelous and I love all of them in different ways. Some as a writer, others as a reader, and the rest simply as a human being. ;-D

• My Hope is Found by Joanne Bischof
• Once Upon a Prince by Rachel Hauck
• Icing on the Cake by Janice Thompson
• Love in a Broken Vessel by Mesu Andrews
• Captives by Jill Williamson
• Anomaly by Krista McGee
• Whispers from the Shadows by Roseanna White 
• Rules of Murder by Julianna Deering
• Stranded by Dani Pettrey
• Glittering Promises by Lisa T. Bergren
• The Unlikely Debut of Ellie Sweet by Stephanie Morrill
• Return to Me by Lynn Austin
• Dear, Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay

I pray that in the coming year you will be blessed. Thank you so much for reading. :-)

A Thankful Heart

I know what you're thinking. Thanksgiving was last month! I realize that, however, being thankful should not be limited to one month or one day of the year. It should be an every day practice.

This time of year is frustrating for me. The push to buy, buy, buy gets old fast and it seems to double in intensity every year. I can't walk into a store or turn on the TV without being bombarded by it. This year especially I see parents sharing their woes on Facebook, because their kids don't need anything yet they feel an obligation to get something. Why have we let materialism take over a holiday intended to celebrate Jesus's birth? How does Jesus's birth equate to buying gifts for others in the first place?

Being thankful is becoming a lost habit in our culture. This should be a time spent with family, thankful to just be with one another. It's about fellowship, putting down the electronics, eating amazing fattening foods, and playing games. It's a time not about giving or getting, but treasuring the moment and loving those around you.

I'm thankful for living near my cousins and grandparents. I'm thankful for my family in general. I'm thankful for my friends both online and in person. I'm thankful to be breathing, to be healthy. I'm thankful to be free. I'm thankful for my sweet dog, Joy. Most of all, I'm grateful that God sent His Son for me and for you.

It's hard to believe another year has gone by. As we prepare to welcome 2014, I pray that this new year will be filled with joy and blessings for you all.

What are you thankful for? 

It's a Slow Fade... {Seasons of Change}

I've been thinking this week a lot about life. For some it may seem that life goes by too quickly. For others it crawls along at a snails pace. For me, you ask? I'm hitting that age where I'm suddenly sentimental and wondering where my childhood went.

Nothing is so hard as watching people in your life move forward, while it seems you're stuck in quicksand. You may not want to be stuck, but you're still sinking. You cry out for help but your friends can't hear you and just when you begin to think you're going under, a hand reaches out. You grasp it, thankful and relieved someone came back for you. You're pulled out and you discover your Savior's identity. It's Jesus. When all others leave you, whether they intend to or not, He's there to pick you up. When all the world fades away, He's the only One left.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you." -Deut. 31:6

The hardest lesson I've learned in the past year or so, is that you cannot rely on people for help, for happiness, or for love. The only being you can lean on, without fail, is Christ. Though it seems sometimes that everything I know is changing, I know Someone who will never change, and that knowledge comforts me.

 On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

So as I go through this season, I'll cling to Him, the unchanging, everlasting, Son of Man who loves me enough to have laid down His life so that I may live. There's no safer or better place to be, in my opinion. And, you know, no matter how horrible or unbearable things may get, it is a small period of time compared to eternity with Christ.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I will say, rejoice!" -Phil. 4:4

What Lie Do You Believe?

I was working away on my characters, preparing for my NaNoWriMo novel, when a thought hit me. Every character has some lie they believe, but what lie do I believe? This, of course, brought about a lot of thinking and prayer. The crazy thing is, I believe more lies than I thought. Once I began listing all the lies and putting a "face" to them, I was shocked. I could go and list every lie, but I'm not going to. Why? Well, that isn't the purpose of this post. I'm not perfect. I'm flawed. I'm human. The purpose of this post is to get you to think. That's right, I'm asking you to use the brain God gave you. So, what lie do you believe? No, no, you don't have to comment. Just sit back and take a moment and do a little heart searching.

Found one? Great.

Here's the good news, you don't have to believe it anymore. Write it down on a scrap of paper and then I want you to open up your Bible and search for a Truth. Find a verse that refutes your lie and then write it under your lie. 

Ready for the bad news?

Now that you have pinpointed the lie (or lies) you believe and you have found scriptural truth, you no longer have any excuses. When the devil comes and whispers in your ear that you aren't good enough or you're a failure or you're worthless, take Jesus's example and throw those scriptures back at the devil. Remind him that you are a child of the One True God. Remind him that God never called the qualified. Remind him that nothing is impossible with Jesus on your side. Remind him that Jesus died for you.

"For if any man is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he is like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

James 1:23-25 ESV

Today We Remember...

It was this morning, twelve years ago, that America experienced a terrible attack.

Hearts were shattered, a river of tears flowed, and America cried out in anguish.

Many questioned the reasons behind it and the simple answer is this: evil. Many shouted to the heavens asking God why, yet they heard no response. Why? Why did all those people have to die?

Because we live in a fallen world.

Could God have swept in and saved them all? Yes. 

So why didn't He?

This answer, is not so simple. If God came down from heaven every time masses of people were killed, can you imagine how regular His visits would become? He'd never get back to heaven before we needed Him again! He gave man free will from the beginning. God is not responsible for the choices we make or the sins we commit. However, by His love and His grace, He sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to die for us all so that we could be clean in the eyes of righteousness. Jesus paid for it all. As we remember lost loved ones, I leave you with two verses. 

 

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1:17 ESV

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10 ESV

We will never forget.